Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't deserve a penis
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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