Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
