I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
