I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
