Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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