It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
