my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize