in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
