Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
