perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Randomize
