even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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