So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He kissed a someone with a penis
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
