my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
That reminds me...we need to get swords
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize