Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize