So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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