i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
