haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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