Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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