I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sext me about skeletons
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
