I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
