you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
