They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
