but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
