gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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