He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
