love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
