she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
