break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
