Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
