tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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