Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
