Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
