we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
