I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
