My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
