bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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