Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
