Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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