I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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