We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
