I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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