if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
