I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
