he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
