lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
