Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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