So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
