I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
