I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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