More tranny stories later!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
