i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
