dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
