Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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