the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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