glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
