So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
