3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
