she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
