imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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