brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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