He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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