he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
