You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm always down for nudity.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize