thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
