He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize