Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
