Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
