u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
