A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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