so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
