its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
