Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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