Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
