i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
