Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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