I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
