Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
