the condom got lost in my hair
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
