Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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