Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize