I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize