we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
