if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
