just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
