Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize