woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
