if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
