Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
