I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
