ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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