She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
