btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
