Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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