he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
