If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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