My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So apparently I’m into choking now
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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