Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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