i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
