my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
