and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
