Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
