Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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