Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
