3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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