Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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