I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
